but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
