Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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