I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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