Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
