Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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