I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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