Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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