I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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