I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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