Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
