if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Randomize
