gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
