So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
