considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
