i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
