I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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