I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
