y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
