Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
