I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize