I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
