Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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