We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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