she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
