I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
