Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
