3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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