hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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