I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
