OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am mentally ready for anal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
