dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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