grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
