Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
