but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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