He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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