It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize