You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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