That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
