nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
