Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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