she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
