Just mADE A PArabola og urine
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
