I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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