i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
