Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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