why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
