What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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