so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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