I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
