Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
