After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize