Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
