I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it penis luge time yet?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
