i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
