I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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