last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
