No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize