Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
