new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
