Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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