How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize