So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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