New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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