He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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