End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
