Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
