I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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