Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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