Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
