My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
